People vs. Confectionary

With Valentine's Day looming on the horizon, as I am constantly reminded every time I walk through the grocery store, I thought I would write a post concerning my thoughts on that particular over-hyped Hallmark Holiday of paramount guilt and anxiety.


In case anyone was left in doubt of my feelings toward the holiday by that last sentence, let me be clear -- I do not care for Valentine's Day in general.  It is, or at least has become, merely an excuse to collect candy, flowers, and an array of useless objects in pink or red which are usually found in other colors.  How many Pepto-Bismol-colored teddy bears does one girl need?  Personally I'm under the impression that one is too many.  To my shame, this trend seems to be perpetuated primarily by women, resulting in frequent February sightings of distressed men and boys wandering about the mall laden with various bits of bric-a-brac and expressions of anxiety and gloom.


Now, just so I'm not misunderstood, I am a woman, also a bit of a romantic, believe it or not.  I like chocolate, and I adore getting flowers... pink or red stuffed animals not so much.  But I would rather get them from my husband spontaneously, because he thought of me and wanted to, than on a specific day because he felt compelled.  I'd also rather be taken out to eat on a random weekday evening at a quiet restaurant than have to make reservations a month ahead and spend the meal having to shout in order to be heard.  On our first Valentine's Day together, my now-husband presented me with a machete.  I like to think that's when I knew we had something special.


To continue in a similar vein, I also don't understand the urge (prevalent among the romantically attached) of referring to each other as pieces of confectionary.  I clearly remember nearly taking an ex's head off for referring to me as "cupcake".  Once again, I like eating cupcakes as much as the next girl, but I have a distinct aversion to being compared to one.  Wrong shape, and not even edible except to cannibals, which I hope you are not, thank you very much.