Adventures in Walmart

First of all let me state that I do not like Walmart.  I really don't.  It seems to stand for everything that is wrong with America: rampant consumerism, general chintziness, sweat-suits, the elevation of mayonnaise as its own food group, etc...  That said, I do go there sometimes, generally out of necessity, since there isn't much else (especially when it comes to costume-making supplies) any nearer than Spokane.


So I went there this morning, with the brilliant notion of making a quick trip (one-stop shopping, as advertised) to take care of my costuming needs, as well as getting some Fontina and White Truffle Oil for the fondue tonight, and some picnic items, so that I could kidnap Aaron on his lunch break and whisk him away to consume said picnic items in a sunny patch at the Colville Park.  


One-stop shopping indeed!  For one thing, they make it impossible to get anything you want in under an hour, bringing me to the conclusion that my sister's old theory about the energy-sucking machine at the heart of Walmart might not be far off the mark.  Then, the cooking oil section which contained nothing but olive oil and PAM.  Not even Sesame Oil.  I went against my tradition of not asking for help and enquired of an employee whether they had any White Truffle Oil.  The look she gave me, along with her, "What is that?" were priceless.  But I'm sounding like a terrible snob.  The thing is, I don't make a regular habit out of buying things like White Truffle Oil (who can afford to?) but one likes to have them available for special occasions.  I mean, few people drink Champagne every day, but every grocery store has at least a few bottles of Cook's.  They also didn't have any Fontina.


I also enjoyed the various reactions of the Walmartites to the outfit I was wearing.  Admittedly, it was a little strange, consisting in part of a polka-dot street tutu, striped knee socks, and lace-up striped fingerless gloves.  But I like wearing interesting things when I don't have to worry about work-wear or anything.  Anyway, it brought on an assortment of different looks, the most prominent of which were the grins of the old ladies who clearly appreciated that I was having a good time, and the double-takes of the old men who seemed to think I must be a recent escapee from Planet Crazy.


However, I was able to make make my purchases and escape (I think Walmart is Planet Crazy) just in time to race into Safeway for the White Truffle Oil and Fontina and still make it to the bank in time for the scheduled kidnapping.  And the sunny park was lovely. All in all a productive and satisfying morning.

Hints For Etiquette Provided By The Great Lewis Carroll

For today's post I turn to the genius of Lewis Carroll.  This little gem is not among his best-known works, but it is certainly worth noticing, and considering the decay of modern table manners, is perhaps more applicable now than when it was first written,  though I believe sightings of boys in buttons to be somewhat rare these days.  Tips 7 and 8 are my favorites.

Hints for Etiquette;

Or, Dining Out Made Easy

As caterers for the public taste, we can conscientiously recommend this book to all diners-out who are perfectly unacquainted with the usages of society. However we may regret that our author has confined himself to warning rather than advice, we are bound in justice to say that nothing here stated will be found to contradict the habits of the best circles. The following examples exhibit a depth of penetration and a fullness of experience rarely met with:

         I

In proceeding to the dining-room, the gentleman gives one arm to the lady he escorts-- it is unusual to offer both.

II

The practice of taking soup with the next gentleman but one is now wisely discontinued; but the custom of asking your host his opinion of the weather immediately on the removal of the first course still prevails.

III

To use a fork with your soup, intimating at the same time to your hostess that you are reserving the spoon for beefsteaks, is a practice wholly exploded.

IV

On meat being placed before you, there is no possible objection to your eating it, if so disposed; still in all such delicate cases, be guided entirely by the conduct of those around you.

V

It is always allowable to ask for artichoke jelly with your boiled venison; however there are houses where this is not supplied.

VI

The method of helping roast turkey with two carving-forks is praticable, but deficient in grace.

VII

We do not recommend the practice of eating cheese with a knife and fork in one hand, and a spoon and wine-glass in the other; there is a kind of awkwardness in the action which no amount of practice can entirely dispel.

VII

As a general rule, do not kick the shins of the opposite gentleman under the table, if personally unacquainted with him; your pleasantry is liable to be misunderstood-- a circumstance at all times unpleasant.

IX

Proposing the health of the boy in buttons immediately on the removal of the cloth is custom springing from regard to his tender years, rather than from a strict adherence to the rules of etiquette.

Lewis Carroll, 1849

The Mandatory First Post

The first post is an odd thing.  Do I introduce myself, assuming there's someone reading this who cares?  Or do I just jump in right in the middle of something?  I think I'd like to start by saying something about Chewelah. After all, it is my hometown, and I have hundreds of  reasons to love it... and sometimes to hate it as well.  I mean, it's great to have people wave at you or stop to say hi in the grocery store, but it's less nice to have them comment on everything in your basket.


"Oohh! Someone likes cheese.  I used to love cheese, but I can't eat it any more because..." The rest will be left to the imagination of the reader.


Chewelah truly is a beautiful place though.  From my study window now, I can see all the autumn colors and look out across the valley to Quartzite on the far side.  And it's quiet and peaceful.  Altogether a wonderful place to live for an aspiring novelist, and my job at Flowery Trail Coffeehouse gives me an endless supply of character ideas.


I've spent too long setting up this blog now.  It's a lovely, bright autumn day and a walk is in order before ballet class tonight.  But first, I'm hungry.  Maybe cheese...