It's been a strange, melancholy sort of day, one of those where your mind meanders in all directions while your body goes about on its own, until late in the day you look around and notice where you are and wonder how you got there.
I feel continually on the edge of something these days, as if I were only steps away from a wider world, but I lack something that would allow me to take them... courage perhaps? Confidence? Determination? Talent?
The vain part of me, the writer part (for really what is more arrogant than assuming that of all the books written in the world, people will want to read yours?) wants something bigger. Not fame exactly, but something meaningful, something lasting. I suppose it's what everyone wants. We want to know our lives have touched the lives of others. It makes us feel less alone. It lets us know where we fit. We all strive for self-sufficiancy, but we long for other people to depend on us. I enjoy my days alone, the opportunity for thought and silence, but it is the thought of Aaron coming home at night that gives me purpose. I write for the love of it, for the imaginative process, for the cathartic release, but to write for people who wanted to read what I'd written would give my imagination purpose. As it is I can't help feeling a sting of guilt whenever I spend time on the novels that I could have spent doing something more profitable. I still do it, of course, but to write with freedom of time and singleness of mind is still a far-off dream.
I had planned to post something witty and humorous today instead of this doleful thing, but wit and humor deserted me and shall have to wait for a later date.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Second Glances
My friend Taylor stars in this short film. Enjoy!
Bits and Pieces
So I spent the larger part of the last two (beautiful and sunny) days taking an online course to get my alcohol server's permit for my job at the golf course this summer. Finishing the last module this morning, and of course now it's rather overcast and threatening rain. However, it's not actually raining yet, so I might have to go for a walk when I'm finished anyway. More on the golf course once work actually begins.
Said goodbye to my sister yesterday, as she's leaving for Flight Attendant Training in Salt Lake City. I'm happy for her, but it's sad to see her go. It's been great having her close by the last two years. We really haven't spent so much time together since she was in college. Still, fun to see her off on another adventure.
I feel due for a new adventure myself, and I mean larger in scale than a new job at the golf course, though that might tide me over. I'm thinking something big, like sailing around the world or ballooning to New Zealand, or something enlightening, like a pilgrimage to Byzantium or a trek across Tibet.
On the writing front, I've been thinking more about self-publishing again, mostly thanks to my friend Kathy, who's been considering it herself and has therefore been sending me information and links to a bunch of different sites. Not to give up on regular publishing by any means, but it does seem like self-publishing is getting to be more respected. I'm still querying agents, but I'm also considering my options. I'm confident enough about my manuscript, after passing it around to a number of people (including a local book group) that I feel I could at least break even on whatever I put into it fairly easily, and then go from there. After all, it shouldn't hurt my chances of getting a traditional publishing deal later if something came along. In any case, I'm still doing my research. I hear tipsy golfers generally tip fairly well, so perhaps by the end of the summer I'll have enough saved to float a mad scheme. More on that later.
Said goodbye to my sister yesterday, as she's leaving for Flight Attendant Training in Salt Lake City. I'm happy for her, but it's sad to see her go. It's been great having her close by the last two years. We really haven't spent so much time together since she was in college. Still, fun to see her off on another adventure.
I feel due for a new adventure myself, and I mean larger in scale than a new job at the golf course, though that might tide me over. I'm thinking something big, like sailing around the world or ballooning to New Zealand, or something enlightening, like a pilgrimage to Byzantium or a trek across Tibet.
On the writing front, I've been thinking more about self-publishing again, mostly thanks to my friend Kathy, who's been considering it herself and has therefore been sending me information and links to a bunch of different sites. Not to give up on regular publishing by any means, but it does seem like self-publishing is getting to be more respected. I'm still querying agents, but I'm also considering my options. I'm confident enough about my manuscript, after passing it around to a number of people (including a local book group) that I feel I could at least break even on whatever I put into it fairly easily, and then go from there. After all, it shouldn't hurt my chances of getting a traditional publishing deal later if something came along. In any case, I'm still doing my research. I hear tipsy golfers generally tip fairly well, so perhaps by the end of the summer I'll have enough saved to float a mad scheme. More on that later.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Joys of Costume Fittings
Had a costume fitting today. I've really been enjoying fitting the girls, creating something and spending time with each of them. They come to my house an hour or two before class, and stand in my living room while I drape them in fabric and sew things and we sip tea or coffee and watch watch Cirque du Soleil dvds. They are such wonderful girls, all of them, and don't seem to mind me sewing things onto their bodies. Photos of the costumes hopefully coming soon.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
An Ode to Secondhand Bookshops.
So, I thought it was high time I dedicated a post to the haven of all literature and history lovers: the secondhand bookshop. Is there one of us who can walk into a room full of dusty old tomes, ripped comic books, and back issues of Good Housekeeping without feeling that little thrill run through our innards? Personally I skim over the comic books and Good Housekeeping, but I do know others who are as thrilled by them as I am by the dusty tomes.
Chewelah has, as do most small towns, its own particular gem in this area, made up of a deli in front and a wilderness of old (sometimes soiled or moldy and always dusty) literature behind. I can never eat at the deli, because the old book smell permeates even the dining area and the atmosphere resembles a cross between a bad school lunch-room and your grandmother's closet. However, I often go through to the back and spend a considerable length of time riffling through the clutter... for it's one of those delightful places with very little order and a goodly number of cardboard boxes. I've found some of the best treasures in said cardboard boxes, particularly the ones under the "25 cent" shelf. There I discovered copies of Thomas Costain's The Darkness and the Dawn and Elizabeth Goudge's Gentian Hill, among others. Semi-forgotten authors, but none the worse for that. It was through this place as well that I became familiar with the work of Anthony Trollope, and when you can buy Plato's Republic for a dollar it really seems a shame not to read it. So you see, a great deal of credit for my post-high-school education is owed to the dusty back room of a deli.
Chewelah has, as do most small towns, its own particular gem in this area, made up of a deli in front and a wilderness of old (sometimes soiled or moldy and always dusty) literature behind. I can never eat at the deli, because the old book smell permeates even the dining area and the atmosphere resembles a cross between a bad school lunch-room and your grandmother's closet. However, I often go through to the back and spend a considerable length of time riffling through the clutter... for it's one of those delightful places with very little order and a goodly number of cardboard boxes. I've found some of the best treasures in said cardboard boxes, particularly the ones under the "25 cent" shelf. There I discovered copies of Thomas Costain's The Darkness and the Dawn and Elizabeth Goudge's Gentian Hill, among others. Semi-forgotten authors, but none the worse for that. It was through this place as well that I became familiar with the work of Anthony Trollope, and when you can buy Plato's Republic for a dollar it really seems a shame not to read it. So you see, a great deal of credit for my post-high-school education is owed to the dusty back room of a deli.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Cirque du Soleil's Varekai - Acrobatic Pas de Deux
This gives me chills. Such an amazing combination of music and choreography, grace and power.
Monday, March 28, 2011
We tilled the garden this weekend, and planted strawberries. I love the smell of the wet earth. I should wear gardening gloves, but I like the feel of the dirt between my fingers.
Starting a garden is such an adventure, especially if the previous owner of the property had a habit of throwing random things into the yard. We've discovered all sorts of treasures, from bits of broken children's toys to part of a syringe. (The last discovery was somewhat disturbing.) I feel like an archeologist, especially with those items that seem to have no use in the modern-day world, but perhaps, five years ago, were the greatest treasures of long-gone children.
Starting a garden is such an adventure, especially if the previous owner of the property had a habit of throwing random things into the yard. We've discovered all sorts of treasures, from bits of broken children's toys to part of a syringe. (The last discovery was somewhat disturbing.) I feel like an archeologist, especially with those items that seem to have no use in the modern-day world, but perhaps, five years ago, were the greatest treasures of long-gone children.
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